Sunday, March 25, 2007

How an Experiment was shuttered because Einstein DID take a bath

Do you know that an experiment Einstein once had failed because he did take a bath?

Einstein’s assistant was directing the ray of light to another end when Einstein entered the lab.

They were trying to measure the speed of light.

When Einstein entered, the experiment was about to finish.

But Einstein entered and the aroma of the soap Einstein used filled the nose of the assistant.

The assistant was shocked! He knew Einstein did not take a bath. He taught he saw a ghost in the form of his boss Einstein.

Frightened, the assistant shivered, otherwise he could not move.

Einstein, from behind, noticed the reaction of his assistant. He took three steps forward and asked: “Is there something wrong?”

Of course, he knew there was something wrong. He was a genius.

Hearing Einstein’s voice, the assistant was more scared than ever. He expected a voice of a ghost, not Einstein’s.

Because he was more scared that ever, he jerked to the right to look at the ghost. He forgot he was holding an instrument. It smashed against another instrument. The experiment was shattered.

Einstein, however, was not angry at the assistant.

He was a genius. He knew he was the cause.

He did take a bath.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

How an Experiment was shuttered because Einstein did not take a bath

Do you know that an experiment Einstein once had failed because he did not take a bath?

Einstein’s assistant was directing the ray of light to another end when Einstein entered the lab.

They were trying to measure the speed of light.

When Einstein entered, the experiment was about to finish.

But Einstein entered, and the assistant sneezed.

It was a deeply satisfying sneeze that the assistant forgot that he was holding an instrument. When he sneezed, he raised his hand in reflex. When the hand came back down in the same reflex…BANG!

It hit another instrument.

Like a domino, the whole experiment was shattered.

Einstein however was not angry at the assistant.

He was a genius.

He knew he was the cause.

He did not take a bath.

Monday, March 12, 2007

Learning the Spanish language

My sisters are learning the Spanish language and I feel threatened.

What if they speak in Spanish and I could not understand? Let’s say a sister says to another, “Nosotros hermano JP Anthony es muy guapo?”

Of course I will know that they are talking about me because one mentioned my name. Aside from my name however, I will never understand a word they say especially the adjective “guapo”.

How do I react then? When will I know I have to compliment or scold or get angry with them?

If it is difficult to be misunderstood, how much more difficult it is not understand?

These two sisters of mine has also learned sign language. At the table, they sit side by side, and when they communicate with each other through sign language, it seems that one would pull another’s hair.

They have learned to laugh without a sound. They smile and laugh at each other and steal a sly glance at me.

I wonder why it is always me they are always looking at. There are the rest of my brothers but it is always me.

You bet, I dropped my plan to join the tv networks’ talent searches. I rationalized, if I could not handle the two women’s attention, how much more if the worlds’ most beautiful, sexy, and intelligent women, yes, the Filipinas, woo me?

My God, they will all be disappointed.

A superstar is there to fulfill peoples’ fantasies, and not to frustrate them. He is there to reciprocate their attention and adulation, not to run away and hide from them, much more hate them.

Going back to my sisters: yes, they are very intent at learning the Spanish language. For sure, in the future, I will become again the laughing stock, the subject of jokes and conversations I will never ever understand. In the meantime, I am looking in Spanish dictionaries the Hiligaynon, Tagalog and English meaning of the word “guapo”.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

I want my words!

I have a sickness. For the cure of which, I dare not hope. Through the years, this sickness has become worse. This must be the punishment I receive for what Adam and Eve had done.

I was once taught that life is a river. The life that I have now flows from the spring which is my ancestors’. Because my ancestors dirtied their life by eating the forbidden fruit, the life that I have is naturally dirty. As I result, although it was not actually me who violated God’s order, I suffer the same thing. As if, being born as the result of the violation is not enough, God gave me this sickness. The sickness that when I am with beautiful women my tongue refuse to move and my lips refuse to utter words.

I used to hate God about this that even if he begged me for forgiveness, I would still have condemned him to hell. God moves, however, in mysterious ways; and he has theories to explain things, like the theory of equity.

According to this theory--but believe me, this is stupid--God gives a pleasing and entertaining personality to the ugly, which the beautiful do not always possess; a tongue dripping with honey to the ugly, and a handsome smile to the not-so-ugly.

But I do not like to smile!!!