Hateful kiss

One of the many things I do not like in this life is a wet kiss. I love to kiss and be kissed. Kissing per se is my favorite. I just hate a wet kiss.

One of the many reasons I do not like a wet kiss is the result it causes to my once clean and clear face. Women I know, women I do not know, i.e., those I meet in the streets, I ride with in trains with their boyfriend, in malls, in theaters…

To be honest, many times I felt like I wanted to commit suicide. I asked myself: "am I owned by the public? Do not have I the right to live a normal life?" For sure, I do not look like a statue of a saint because, for one, I move. Second, according to my mother, I am more handsome than they are. People kiss and adulate only statues. Why make me an exception--I move?!

Based on that ground alone, women should stay away from me. Surprisingly, those same qualities draw them nearer.

Let it be clear that I only complain about wet kisses. I do not mind besobeso.

I have resigned to my fate as the most kissable. Even the persons close to me, my cousins and friends, who should have a healthy contempt for me, could not help it.

But, by being close to me, I give the the privilege. (Talk about nepotism). I simply do not complain. But I do complain about them kissing wet the picture I gave them.

You see, a picture is easily destroyed by liquid. Is not saliva a liquid? I have to have my pictures taken almost every week so I have something to distribute like alms to my loved ones who beg them from me.

Cousin: "JP, give me another of your picture. The one you gave me is erased."

Me: "Why erased, ate?"

Cousin: "I keep on kissing it, it got destroyed by liquid."

Me: "God great, ate. How many times have you asked for my picture?"

Cousin: "JP, please, do not get angry. Just can’t help but kiss you when I see your face."

Me: "God be great, ate. I am sure you are aware that you are not the only cousin who ask pictures from me."

Cousin: "JP, here. Take this one thousand pesos. Go have a picture taken for me--please?"

Me: "Ate, it is not about money. It is about me going every week to the studio. I have done almost all the poses and the photographers are fast becoming allergic to me, ate."

Cousin: "JP, please…"

With a sweet and charming cousin like her, who could ever refuse?

How an Experiment was shuttered because Einstein DID take a bath

Do you know that an experiment Einstein once had failed because he did take a bath?

Einstein’s assistant was directing the ray of light to another end when Einstein entered the lab.

They were trying to measure the speed of light.

When Einstein entered, the experiment was about to finish.

But Einstein entered and the aroma of the soap Einstein used filled the nose of the assistant.

The assistant was shocked! He knew Einstein did not take a bath. He taught he saw a ghost in the form of his boss Einstein.

Frightened, the assistant shivered, otherwise he could not move.

Einstein, from behind, noticed the reaction of his assistant. He took three steps forward and asked: “Is there something wrong?”

Of course, he knew there was something wrong. He was a genius.

Hearing Einstein’s voice, the assistant was more scared than ever. He expected a voice of a ghost, not Einstein’s.

Because he was more scared that ever, he jerked to the right to look at the ghost. He forgot he was holding an instrument. It smashed against another instrument. The experiment was shattered.

Einstein, however, was not angry at the assistant.

He was a genius. He knew he was the cause.

He did take a bath.

How an Experiment was shuttered because Einstein did not take a bath

Do you know that an experiment Einstein once had failed because he did not take a bath?

Einstein’s assistant was directing the ray of light to another end when Einstein entered the lab.

They were trying to measure the speed of light.

When Einstein entered, the experiment was about to finish.

But Einstein entered, and the assistant sneezed.

It was a deeply satisfying sneeze that the assistant forgot that he was holding an instrument. When he sneezed, he raised his hand in reflex. When the hand came back down in the same reflex…BANG!

It hit another instrument.

Like a domino, the whole experiment was shattered.

Einstein however was not angry at the assistant.

He was a genius.

He knew he was the cause.

He did not take a bath.

Learning the Spanish language

My sisters are learning the Spanish language and I feel threatened.

What if they speak in Spanish and I could not understand? Let’s say a sister says to another, “Nosotros hermano JP Anthony es muy guapo?”

Of course I will know that they are talking about me because one mentioned my name. Aside from my name however, I will never understand a word they say especially the adjective “guapo”.

How do I react then? When will I know I have to compliment or scold or get angry with them?

If it is difficult to be misunderstood, how much more difficult it is not understand?

These two sisters of mine has also learned sign language. At the table, they sit side by side, and when they communicate with each other through sign language, it seems that one would pull another’s hair.

They have learned to laugh without a sound. They smile and laugh at each other and steal a sly glance at me.

I wonder why it is always me they are always looking at. There are the rest of my brothers but it is always me.

You bet, I dropped my plan to join the tv networks’ talent searches. I rationalized, if I could not handle the two women’s attention, how much more if the worlds’ most beautiful, sexy, and intelligent women, yes, the Filipinas, woo me?

My God, they will all be disappointed.

A superstar is there to fulfill peoples’ fantasies, and not to frustrate them. He is there to reciprocate their attention and adulation, not to run away and hide from them, much more hate them.

Going back to my sisters: yes, they are very intent at learning the Spanish language. For sure, in the future, I will become again the laughing stock, the subject of jokes and conversations I will never ever understand. In the meantime, I am looking in Spanish dictionaries the Hiligaynon, Tagalog and English meaning of the word “guapo”.